Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
