Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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