guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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