1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
