They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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