I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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