Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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