There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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