He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sext me about skeletons
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
