In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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