he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
