phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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