They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
