On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
