he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
