well I can't set my house on fire every night
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
