haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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