Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
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We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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