At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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