Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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