No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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