you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
