U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
