dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
