He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
