Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
