Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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