How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
