i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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