dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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