He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
