i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
