what day is it and did you see me today?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
