ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I forget how to act sober
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
