And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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