I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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