you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
