The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
