He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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