i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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