We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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