well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
