its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
