so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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