but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
