mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
