I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
