ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
