I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
