In the future we'll all be gay
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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