OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
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Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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