that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
