i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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