this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
