she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
