once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just high enough for therapy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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