at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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