Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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