Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
