Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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