I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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