I think I won the penis lottery.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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