Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize