If i come over, it means nothing
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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