I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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