You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
