mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
