imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
