i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
