our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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