There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
