he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
