Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
