i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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