I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
